There I Said It
by TheGirlWithHerNoseInABook
Summary: /Zachary Goode had never been good at expressing his feelings, despite the fact that his name suggests he's amazing at everything. This may be the reason that he and Preston Winters got into arguments a bit more than the average friends./ Zach/Preston (romantic) M/M pairing.


_**There I Said It**_

 _ **A Zach/Preston fanfiction.**_

 _Based loosely on the song of the same name by the_ sensational _Adam Lambert._

 **Please excuse any spelling/grammar mistakes.**

* * *

Zachary Goode had never been good at expressing his feelings, despite the fact that his name suggests he's amazing at everything. This may be the reason that he and Preston Winters got into arguments a bit more than the average friends.

There were only three things that Zach had always been sure of during his eighteen years of life so far. 1) His mother was a raging lunatic 2) Joe Solomon was the only man who would ever be able to talk back to him without repercussions 3) He was most definitely a _ladies'_ man. The females loved him and in turn he loved them back. So why was it, that one of his _girl_ friends best friends, who was male, had this effect on him? It was something that he didn't really like to think about, but at the same time couldn't help it.

He _wasn't_ gay. He knew he wasn't because Cammie- sweet, magnificent, stunning, Cammie- was his girlfriend and he was certainly attracted to her right from the moment they met – he still was. Yet, now that he thought about it, there was always something that held him back from completely loving her with all his heart. He thought that maybe it had something to do with his childhood and how Catherine, his mother, never showed any form of affection toward her only child, but after contemplating that theory for a good few hours he deemed it unacceptable and preceded to brood in his favorite secret passage way (which also happened to be the aforementioned girlfriend's favourite as well, so he shouldn't have been surprised when she crawled in and sat next to him, holding his hand and just being there for him when she had no idea what was going on).

The next few days he had spent being bitter and indecisive which lead to a huge argument with Cammie that resulted in a messy break-up. Liz didn't talk to him for the remainder of the term, Bex hit extra hard in P&E and, as un-lady-like that it seemed, he was pretty sure that Macey spat in the jug of orange juice before passing it to him the morning after the fall out. Cammie became distant in a way that he had never seen but whenever he tried to apologise and explain why he had said what he said she just brushed him off, told him to ' _just figure things out, okay?'_ then continued on her way. It was almost as if she knew what was going on his mind but Dr Fibbs hadn't perfected the mind-reading serum he'd been working so he knew that wasn't the case.

After about a month of Zach feeling lost and like his word was slowly fading, Preston Winters became a permanent student at The Gallagher Academy for Exceptional Young Men and Women. He had been in and out for meetings with Rachel Morgan for the first half of the year, spending nearly all his extra time with Cammie and the girls, occasionally Zach would be there as well but since he and Cammie broke up they hadn't seen each other.

Zach didn't like to think that the questioning of his sexuality stopped when he and Preston dropped communication, and how it started again when the Senators son sat down across from him in the hall and started up a conversation. Zach hated to admit that after weeks of scowling and glaring at everyone, an easy smile was brought to his face just from seeing Preston.

There was an audible gasp from Macey as she looked up from her plate of egg whites and unbuttered toast to see the two young men talking and laughing and, dare she say it, _flirting_. Cammie glanced up at her super model friend then risked a glance in the direction she was looking. What she saw made her blood run cold but at the same time her heart picked up speed and realisation settled in her stomach. Suddenly, everything made much more sense and that night, after explaining everything she saw to Bex and Liz while Macey was doing some extra credit for Cove-ops, she finally went to sleep without tears falling down her porcelain cheeks.

* * *

It had been four weeks since his arrival that Preston noticed subtle changes happening around him. He had been notified that Cammie and Zach had broken up (He'll admit that he had been a _little_ happy but that's what happens when you hear your crush broke up with his girlfriend), and he had become aware of Cammie's constant state of sadness whenever he visited, yet now he sees her looking at him out of the corner of her eye with a knowing, _happy_ look that could only mean one thing. Cammie Morgan was over Zachary Goode, and she had noticed that Preston Winters maybe had more feelings toward his new friend than he let on.

That wasn't all that he noticed though. Preston also picked up on things such as when Zach lies about random things; what he had for dinner, how he was feeling, whether he had finished his COW homework. It didn't really matter that much until one day, Zach mentioned something about his mum and how she took him to a 'petting zoo' when he was 8, and how he's never felt comfortable around animals ever since. Preston knew there was a double meaning so he went to Cammie. She told him that it wasn't so much as a petting zoo but a morgue...for human bodies. Preston found Zach later in the library and confronted him.

"Why didn't you tell me the truth?" He had asked, not looking the taller male in the eyes. Zach stilled and glanced over before putting the book on the shelf and turning fully to face Preston, arms crossed over his chest.

"You spoke to Cammie." He stated dryly, voice void of emotion. Preston looked up with a determined pout; Zach found it kind of adorable, though he refused to acknowledge it in that moment.

"Yes, and she told me the real reason so I want to know _why_ it was that you felt the need to _lie_ about something you weren't even forced to tell me." Zach sighed as Preston finished talking. He turned back to pick up another book before speaking again.

"You can't take the truth Preston. Not directly. If I had said that my mum took me to see dead bodies for my eighth birthday then you would have frozen, you wouldn't know how to react. I told you a lie, knowing you would seek out the truth. I lessened the blow so that you-"

Preston cut him off with a disbelieving scoff. " _'Lessened the blow'_? You made it worse! You could have just told me the truth in the first place!"

Zach walked off before Preston could finish.

* * *

For Zach's nineteenth birthday in late March, he was given six presents; one each from Grant, Jonas, Liz, Bex, Macey and Cammie- nothing from Preston. He wasn't really surprised, they hadn't spoken in a few weeks after what happened in the Library, but it still hurt.

A week afterwards, on the first Sunday of April, he opened the door to his room to see a manila folder on the floor. He picked it up and walked back into the room, forgetting about breakfast. Once opened, Zach's suspicion increased. On the first page in the folder there were three words; "Application for Friendship". He skimmed through the other pages and found that his friends had written letters of recommendation about the person who gave it to him... the same person who hadn't spoken to him in weeks.

Zach stood abruptly and raced down the many, many flights of stairs towards to hall where the giver of this gift was sitting, eating pancakes.

"Are you kidding me?!" Zach practically shouted as he stormed over to where Preston sat. The boy looked up at Zach with hope, surprise and confusion showing all over his face.

"What the _hell_ is this?" Zach demands as he throws the folder down on the table. Preston visibly gulps as he looks into Zach's angry eyes.

"I just thought tha-"

"No! You didn't think, did you? You didn't think any of this through!" Zach ranted towards him. Preston stood slowly, trying to ignore the questioning gazes of those around him, students and teachers alike.

"Zach, maybe we should talk outsi-" Preston was cut off again as Zach grabbed his shirt and pushed him up against the wall, noses touching.

" _Never_ speak to me again. You got that?" Zach growled towards his shorter friend, baring his teeth in an almost animalistic way before shoving him to the side and storming out. Preston looked like he wanted to run after him, to say more, but he held it in, standing up from where he had fallen and sitting back down in his seat, continuing to eat.

As he did so, he thought about why he didn't push, why he didn't say anything else.

 _Zach wants the best for everyone, including himself but he just destroys it._

* * *

Two weeks before graduation, Preston was approached by Zach in the hallway after classes. They were alone but neither said a word, they just stared at each other before Zach finally broke.

"I want to say sorry but I don't actually see what I should be sorry for."

"Brilliant, Zach. Really, that's fantastic." Preston replied sarcastically before trying to walk off. Zach grabbed his arm as he passed and pulled him round to face him.

"What I meant to say is that what you did was stupid. We were always friends...we were just, I don't know...going through a rough patch." Zach lifted his hand to scratch the back of his neck as he spoke, a movement that Preston noticed the taller male do when he was nervous.

"A 'rough patch' is something that couples go through Zach, not friends." Zach winced at the words. It had taken some time, _a lot of time,_ but he finally accepted that he was attracted to Preston, both physically and personality wise. "Look, Zach," Preston continued, startling the other male out of his thoughts, "You're giving me a double edge sword here and...I just...never mind, you would deny it."

"No, wait," Zach said as Preston tried to walk off again, "Please, just... talk to me."

Preston took a deep breath before talking, "The thing is, I don't really see the _truth_ in living if we're...don't look at me like that, I'm not saying I don't want to live, just that I can't find a reason that doesn't end in some form of a lie. When you hide, behind this wall of... _fear_ , and you can't tell me what's going on, or more importantly when you lie about it...it makes me feel really, really bad. Not just about myself but about life in general and I'm not blaming this all on you, I do it as well...I'm no angel," Zach had let go of Preston's arm now and was staring at him with his mouth agape, "You don't really see it Zach but this...I want to say dream but that seems patronising...this _something_ that you believe in, it's... well, it's twisted; really, really twisted. I know I seem crazy rude right now but I just thought, 'h _ey, what's the used in pretending anymore, I'm done with it.'_ "

Zach took a step back at how up-front Preston was being; he was starting to think that Polyjuice Potion was a real thing because this wasn't Preston. This wasn't _his_ Preston.

"We need to get all the lies out the way, if this is going to work, Zach." Preston continued, wincing internally at the way he's making it sound. _You're not going out. He doesn't like you like that._ "So there, I said it. I'm not going to apologise to you anymore, Zach. I'm a grown man now... technically, and I'm never going to live again, that 'yolo' business? Complete bull. For that reason, I have more things to say. I'm sick and tired of living in your shadows, Zach. We used to walk down the hall together and, yeah, people would look, I mean why wouldn't they you've seen yourself," He flushed at the words coming out of his mouth but couldn't stop it, Zach didn't seem fazed at all though, "But they would never see me; only you. It's not like I'm jealous, far from it actually, I just want to be someone other than _Zach Goode's friend_...something _more_ than just _Zach Goode's friend_."

Zach looked from a spot on the wall he had been staring at towards Preston's face. "Wait, what do you mean, more than just my friend?" He couldn't like him back...no way.

"I...uhh... not like that..." Preston stuttered while looking anywhere but at Zach. Zach caught onto the lie but decided not to push it; obviously Preston hadn't come to terms with things like he had.

"Oh, yeah, of course, sorry." Zach said with a smirk and a shake of his head to show _no harm done_. Preston finally looked him in the eye and they both started to awkwardly laugh which slowly turned into full on laughter. They ended up with tears in their eyes with their backs to the wall. Preston slowly slid down said wall until he was sitting on the stone floor, knees brought up to his chest. Zach copied his movement not two seconds later.

"I want to know, Zach." Preston said quietly, breaking the comfortable silence that they had settled into. By now it was dark outside, as they could see from the tall window opposite them, casting the glow of the full moon on their faces.

"What...what do you...?" Zach questioned carefully, trailing off towards the end.

"I want to... _hear_ your voice. Get a _glimpse_ into what's going on up there," he tapped Zach on the side of the head, "I want to _know_ your demons, help you through it all."

Zach was quiet for a long time. Preston sighed and was just about to get up when Zach grabbed his hand, forcing him to stay.

"I'll tell you. I'll tell you as much as I can...but...not too much or you'll give up on me. I know you will...because everyone else did." Zach said quietly, playing with Preston's fingers.

"Zach..." Preston whispered delicately. The green-eyed male looked up into striking hazel eyes that sparkled in the moonlight. Zach's breath hitched in the back of his throat when he noticed how close they were and slowly, carefully, almost unsurely, leaned in.

The kiss was soft, both were worried that the other would pull away, but after a few seconds they both pushed a bit more, Zach's hands coming up to Preston's Face, Preston holding on to Zach's elbows. They shifted onto their knees, bodies pressing up against each other as the kiss deepened, mouths opening, tongues fighting for dominance [Zach won]. Eventually they had to break away for air. They rested their foreheads together as they both took in deep breaths.

Zach's heart was pounding and he could tell Preston's was too.

"I think..." Zach started, still trying to breathe, "I think the truth is out there now." Preston threw his head back laughing and shook his head at Zach's timing.

"You're a dork." He said affectionately.

"Says the one wearing a Spiderman wristwatch..." Preston slapped at the hands that were trying to grab at said watch. He let out a small yawn before he could stop it and Zach chuckled, "C'mon sleepy head." They both stood up and walked back to their rooms which were beside each other, they weren't holding hands, but they were walking so close that Zach's knuckles grazed the back of Preston's hand, the height difference making him chuckle slightly.

Before Preston got to his door, Zach pulled him back for a small kiss that held so much meaning that it made Preston stumble slightly. Zach laughed quietly at the smaller teen before letting him go and escaping into his own bedroom. Preston shuffled towards his room, opened the door and proceeded to fall onto his bed with a satisfied sigh, not bothering to change out of his clothes.

Both males fell asleep glad that they had finally said what they wanted to ...even if it wasn't in words, and with smiles on their faces.

* * *

Cammie and Macey watched from the top of the stairs, as the people below said final goodbyes and exchanged warm embraces. The two young men in the corner didn't go unnoticed by the observant girls and they turned to each other with small smiles before they made their way down the stairs to say farewell to their sisters and the more recently added brothers.

After a while, they were approached by the two young men, both with sorry looks on their faces. Cammie's eyes fell down to where the two male's hands were interlocked and although her heart skipped a beat, she looked back up to their faces with a smile. The young men were taken aback by the friendly nature that the girls were presenting but didn't question it when they were pulled into hugs.

Cammie put her arms around Zach's neck in a soft, friendly embrace. He dropped Preston's hand, placed his arms around her waist and picked her up, spinning her around quickly. Preston and Macey laughed at the shocked look on Cammie's face as Zach set her down on the floor.

"I was all prepared for an emotional goodbye and then you go and do that and I just... I can't believe you, Zachary Goode!" She started seriously but then, as she looked at everyone around her, trailed off into a laugh.

"I'm really sorry, Gallagher Girl, you know that right?" Zach asked with uncertainty.

"I knew from the moment I looked up and saw you _smiling_ at Preston bloody Winters, of all people, after months of not even glancing at me. I knew, as soon as I saw the effect that his presence had on you, that it wasn't that you didn't love me, it was just that you weren't _in_ love with me, and you never really were." Cammie said with a small smile. It wasn't a sad one though, it was a proud one.

"That's not entirely true..."Zach trailed off when he realised that, yeah, maybe it was. "I am sorry though."

"Zach, stop it, she understands, probably better than me... which is saying something." Macey said pulling Preston into _another_ bone crushing hug which he gladly returned, she then turned to Zach and gave him a smack round the back of the head before throwing her arms around him. Cammie gave Preston a small smile and drew him in for an equally as small hug, avoiding any awkwardness by breaking it immediately.

"I have to go guys," Cammie said suddenly, "Which means you do too Mace." Preston and Zach looked to the girls with questioning gazes.

"We're not working for a year, both of us are moving to Manhattan for a while, just to live a normal life for a bit." Macey explained. Both men nodded in understanding, Macey and Cammie had gone through a hell of a lot during their time at Gallagher Academy and both deserved some time off.

"All the best and all that jazz," Preston said, threading his hand with Zach's again, "Keep in touch... although we may have no choice." He continued giving a pointed look at Macey.

 _Politics..._

* * *

Zachary Goode had never been good at expressing his feelings, despite the fact that his name suggests he's amazing at everything. This may be the reason that he and Preston Winters didn't get married until they were twenty five. Preston was fine with it though, he knew Zach loved him.

* * *

 **So, there we have it. A Zach/Preston fanfiction. Probably the first of it's kind...**

 **I hope you loved reading it as much as I loved writing it!**

 **Thanks and stuff. *here, have a cupcake* :) x**


End file.
